Ear Splitting
I have an ear infection. It's been about 10 years since the last time I got an ear infection , and I kinda forgot how much it hurt.
I have no mood to do anything. It sucks. Oh well... I think it's the same thing as a tattoo.. after a while you forget how much you like the feeling. It takes recurrent sessions to be reminded about the nice tangy scratchy feeling when getting inked. =P
I have a new idea for a new tattoo.. but I think I'd better just keep that in my head as a fantasy.
I'm going to bed now.. hopefully the ear discharge won't flood my bed. Imagine if it did that, then the whole bed would be crusty.. much like Bagel's ears. Fuck. Damn gross
Nosy Complaints
My nose conspired with my tonsils and my lungs to cause me distress last week.
Then the friendly but talkative doctor gave me medication to make it all go away. I liked the fact that the medication got rid of all my illnesses. It was nice being able to hum and sing to nice songs that I like again. It was nice being able to taste food again.
Maybe that's why I'm taking my revenge on my diet. I can finally taste food again after a harrowing one week period of virtual starvation.
However, good things will end sooner or later, and I fell victim to the runny nose again this morning.
I really wanted to slice off my nose. I don't think I'd miss it all that much, honestly. But I thought about it, and I realised that slicing off my nose isn't going to help one bit. Damn.
I'm fucking tired. Had a fucking tiring weekend.
Poor baby's still sick. I couldn't visit her today. I miss her.
It's not been that happy a day. Fuck it. I'm going to sleep, and I hope that tomorrow will turn out better.
Had a lot of photos to put up, but I think I'll keep them till the next time I actually feel like putting up photos.
Good night world.. and fuck you.
The End of Another Unit
My time is now measured in units. However, they are not units of seconds, and minutes. They're in units of block weeks, internships, semesters, part-time jobs, full part-time potential jobs, gym time, eating time, a small portion of family time, pets' time, and usually the best of it all, girlfriend time.
One of those units has just ended. Actually, it ended yesterday, but since it is 4.55 am on the system clock right now and I normally sleep around this time, I shall say it just ended today.
It's a good feeling that it ended. I knwo I was supposed to capitalise on the experience, to learn as much as I could, but I failed in that aspect. I just couldn't get my interest level high enough to attain what I ought to have done, what a good student / worker with a yearning attitude and drive would have done. Maybe I just lack in that aspect. But then again, I've enjoyed jobs that expected far less, but gave me a sense of worth. Maybe that's it. Maybe I have to feel that sense of worth before I start enjoying the job.
I hope I'll be able to find it in future.
Another Unit is beginning in 5 minutes. I slept at 11.30 pm. I got up at 4.15 am. That's not enough sleep. I feel like a trucker. Oh wait. I am a trucker... for today at least. Only shitty part is that my horn, is not the loud macho blaring one that the big truckers get to use. Mine, makes an "yeeee" sound. I think. I haven't tried it out yet.
For the first time in a long time, this slot is being taken by another unit. Work to buy supplements. I'm missing out on the girlfriend unit.
Hon, if you see this, know that I miss you, and I wish I were there with you today, to make you feel better, to chase the bug away. My bug. I'm sorry I'm not. I love you.
Hou Man ah!!
I came across an article on BBC's website about andropause, better known as male menopause.
I have always been under the impression that there was scientific proof that this occurs in males. Apparently, there is no hard evidence that the depression, mood swings and what not in males is caused by a dip in testosterone. Some doctors do believe that these traits come about due to the psychological stress a man undergoes once he sees the physiological changes in him, and the prospect of andropause starts to play on his mind.
It's interesting, however, to note when exactly andropause starts for most men. I ran through a list of old wrinkly balls in my head to see if I could identify a pattern as to what age most men started to feel the effects of the much-feared andropause.
Hugh Hefner.. bastard... who cares whether he's experiencing it or not.. I will wish every night that his dick falls off and he calls me the next day to take his place.
Ok... maybe I shouldn't look so far off.. I shall look somewhere closer to home then.
John the Bald.. family friend till a few years ago.. still the father's friend, though I detest him. Still loves to leer at young girls, oh wait.. maybe not really young girls.. he's the type who'll leer at any pussy that walks past. So I'm guessing that andropause hasn't affected him yet. He'll probably be able to get off just using a cucumber on his wife, who's annoying as well by the way.
Uncle Ricky.. another family friend. He's one cool cat.. used to be a drummer in a band called the Pops. That's probably how he managed to snag a nice Catholic girl as his wife. He's been eating really healthy the past few years, and has no sign of any sexual tension in him. So there're 2 possibilities. Either he's getting a shitload of sex, or he's come to terms with not being able to get it up.
My Father.. hahahahhahaha. He's definitely experiencing it, without a doubt. hahahhahahaha. Ok lah.. family problem.. don't hang out dirty linen for the world to see lah hor! hahaha
Then I thought.. hmm would it really be such a bad thing for people to experience a world where their penises didn't reign supreme, where people were happy to achieve the nirvana of andropause?
A world of.. PRIESTS!!
"Fucking blue balls again.. argh.."
"HAHA! I'm done with the blue balls shit!!! Woohoo!!"
After seeing the difference, I'll take my chances...
Prayer For Tonight
Dear God Please let Thursday be a good day, where people find their motivation, and where goals and hopes will not be shattered. It's been far too long.. please make the wrong things right, or at least push things in that direction. Amen...
Evilest Mind Of All Time
To me, the person with the evilest mind of all time, is the one who invented the toilet paper vending machine, you know, the type where you have to slot in a dime or something just to get 20cm of toilet roll slowly chug out from the pulley system that sometimes just decides to jam on you and hold you back from letting your shit fly.
The most evil part of this contraption is the blinking red light which tells you that it's time to shit, but you ain't got no paper, so you just gotta stand there till it decides to dispense some little pieces of recycled waste for you to wipe that hairy ass of yours.
You put in the dime, it's still blinking, telling you that your money's not good enough, or you haven't put in enough, or "oops sorry i'm faulty, can't read the coin you just slotted in, try another one!"
Evil evil evil.. luckily I bring a handkerchief around at all times.. in case of such emergencies.
Home Alone
I'm gonna be a homer from Wednesday through Friday.
Good thing is that I have access to my dad's credit card information. That would mean booking movies online, shopping for groceries online, buying my supplements and books from overseas (or since the shipping is rather on the pricy side, Ishall just book a plane ticket to go there and collect the supplements).
I'm also hoping for better news.. but shan't get my hopes up for now. It's always nice to dream and hope. =)
The bug has caused my ears to be blocked, and my vision and other senses to be rather woozy. Reason: My body's resistance to codeine has finally faded after all these years. I'm not sure which cough mixture I was given, but a couple of teaspoons for each serving is more than enough to get me a little stoned. It's a horrible feeling having to walk around all day like that knowing that there's so many things to do, yet I'm in this state.
Shit.. there's something wrong with me.. I'm complaining about being high??!?! Cos it's impairing other activities of mine?!?! Hell. this is really weird. Oh well, better be happy while that self-righteous feeling lasts. =P
The Purpose Of An Internship.. What I've Learnt Today
1. How much I love school
2. I don't feel bad for skipping work at all, since they pay me crap.
Ok, fine, this is just me. Even if they paid me well I'd find a way out if I hated the job
3. I hate being cooped up in a rigid environment like that, nor will I be able to just work with other people who're content sitting here listening to everyone else tell them what to do. I need to be able to kick back and tell people what to do, at the same time having a gym at the office and a nice comfy bed for me to sleep in whenever I feel like it.
4. To think over and over about the word "kaleidescope"... "kaleidescope".... "kaleidescope"....
5. That to be in an environment filled with people from all walks of life is what I like ..... but to be in an environment filled with people only from India and China is just plain fucking hell
6. A microwave at the office is always a good thing. I love offices with microwaves. It's the only thing that's kept me coming to work every morning. Oh and yes of course free-reign on all the servers at the office and my very own MSN messenger at work...
7. Internships are an excellent time to catch up with old friends... and to dump those that don't reply to your messages
8. Waking up early is not a problem for me.. unless I really dread waking up to it! I woke up fine every morning the last semester, and I had to get to school earlier than this. I can't believe that the job's gotten me so bored that I can't even be bothered to rush when I'm late. I think that's probably another thing about me once more.. I need to be pushed.. to know that I HAVE to meet the deadline, otherwise, I'll just take my own sweet time.. hey let the world wait for me.. didn't you know, I was christened Time
9. Weet Bix should only be eaten with milk, NOT WATER
10. Nonya women in their 40's who aren't married are annoying. There's one of 'em here at the office.. sure she's nice and all very friendly. But I wanna sleep and chat during lunch, not be annoyed by her bloody questions! Hell, if I wanted someone to annoy me at the office when I have time to myself I'd call my mum here.. she'd annoy me and everyone else around me
11. I love my baby...
My Sick Bug and I
This morning started out rather terribly, with my throat dry, my head spinning, and my tonsils throbbing and seething everytime I swallowed my saliva to get some fluids in.
I think every now and then it's a good thing for my to fall ill, for my ears to be blocked so that my other senses are amplified. Much like a certain chemical reaction due to a certain chain that goes by the name MDMA, but cheaper. I'll explain why it's cheaper later on.
So yes, senses amplified, good thing. Why? Because I can concentrate on what my other senses feel!! My lack of sense of hearing conjured up a love-hate day for me.
Love....
The gf came over to look after me, and it's the first time anyone has bothered to sit there just to put me to sleep. It was a really sweet feeling, and I was truly touched. Thanks hon.. it makes all the bites and pinches you give me worthwhile =) I was reminded again of how much I love my gf. To bits!!!
She brought me to a clinic near her place. By accident, she gave them my SMU student card, and it seems that under the group insurance policy that my school purchased, I don't have to pay for visits / medication to a select few clinics! Of course, I'm not too sure under which clinics this even applies to, but all the same, I'm happy! I love SMU!! Now I can truly jump in peace.
The gf pronounced rheumatism as ree-yoo-mee-zm. Ultra cute lah!!! How cute!! damn cute. hahahhaha I love her even more!!
Hate ....
The food at the S-11 kopitiam opposite Marsiling station. The absolute most horrid-tasting food you can ever find. If you're looking for lousy food, lousy service and stingy smelly people, you'll find what you're looking for over there. I ordered fishball noodles. The fishballs had the texture of beef balls. She ordered roasted chicken rice. The chicken tasted like it died in China after the bird flu, hiked to Mongolia and Tibet then finally got caught in a trap for dead chickens and got shipped, SHIPPED, to Singapore before being roasted by them a year later. And the woman at the stall.. she gave ONE, UNO, EINS,
YI, slice of cucumber. She was very reluctant to give more when I politely asked for more. What a bitch. Worse still, they had newspaper clippings and what not hung at the stall display window. What absolute bullshit.
Baby's lousy Genius keyboard. Caused me so much grief last night. Plugged in a new keyboard, and all was fine...
My germs.. I need to study and get back on track.. but my germs are preventing me from doing so. Hopefully all the medication that I'm going to take tonight will help me. It'd better, I paid good money for it!! Oh wait.. hahahahhaah!
Annoyances
The Fartman's current annoyances, in no particular order, are:
1. Running Nose
2. Chronic (ok, fine, for the past 4 days) sore throat that's been getting worse
3. Fever that thankfully went away around 5am this morning
4. The gf's computer, which has idiotic peripherals, and is an idiotic setup, with a powerful motherboard.... what a waste of a motherboard. I think I could do a better job given that motherboard.. oh wait! I did!!! hahahahah
5. Boring internship that has never ceases to remind me how much fun it is being in school
6. Boring internship that still has a week to go before it ends
7. Stupid dog that's too rough with the hammy
8. Stupid dog with an ear infection
9. Stupid parents and supposed dog-owner, the brother, who can't give a shit about whether Stupid dog (refer to points 7 and 8) has an infection or not. Just complain that he's smelly. I want them to have a fucking long-term ear infection, see how any of them would smell nice
10. Gf's stupid keyboard. Oh wait, that's part of stupid computer and stupid peripherals. =P
={) That's me with a Mexican-type moustache attempting to smile. I'm attempting to smile because I can't really smile with vigour and the utmost happiness due to my ailments. I have a Mexican-type moustache because.. I don't know. I don't have one.
Is it all Worthwhile?
Latest read - Five People You Meet In Heaven.
It's been a while since I've read a book that's actually touched me. Well, granted, I'm a sucker for things like lovelorn endings and lovers dying and pets being run over by cars and, well, I guess that's just about it.
If you haven't read it, then go read it. I'm not about to summarise the fucking book for you, nor give a friggin review. Baahh what the heck, fine! The book's about how an old bitter man dies, goes to heaven, meets 5 people there and is shown, plus he sort of realises along the way, that the cliched mantra of life remains: our lives are all intertwined, and Newton's Laws of Motion do apply to our lives and how they pan out.
This notion of equilibrium of life that's exploited over and over again throughout the book, about how our actions will cause reactions, as well as chain reactions, has been playing through my mind. Almost like how Newton denoted the motion of objects.
If in fact this were true, and every little action we performed would some day lead to an event that is significant, to someone at the very least, then it'd be really interesting to note how an event that entails me farting really loudly on the bus pans out in 5 years' time.
However, that is obviously so not the point.
If, like particles, we live in this jar where our lives from a distance merely consists of collision paths, and whatever we do simply sets us, and the surrounding particles, off on an altered collision path, then there are some who merely don't expend any energy whatsoever, but manage to siphon off and attain energy based on the transference of energy, and still ultimately manage to get things done.
These particles are those that we have termed slackers.
Sure, slacking in a competitive and highly-driven world of financial institutions and comglomerates and franchises is highly frowned upon, simply because you're not contributing to the maintenance of the cogs of this seemingly well-oiled complex system of gears.
However, considering that whatever we decide to do, and do, will eventually, very potentially, have an effect on us and may even bite us in the butty, since this world we live in is not made up of just us, but is affected by the rest of the beings of particles as well, and due to the energy equilibrium that we're vacuumed into, we may not even have control over the paths that are hurtling toward us, wouldn't it be better if we not try to control our paths that much?
Stacking this theory on top of the law of large numbers, where if a certain repititive action is performed a large number of times n, then the result tends toward the expected value of the action, or the mean, then in the larger sense, if we just stay still and not do anything for a large number of times, then the result will be that of the mean of the expended energy around us. However, if we were to do many many thigns to try and change the course of our lives, to make the decisions that we ought to make, then the ultimate mean will still be that of the mean of the expended energy around us.
Of course, it is right to argue that these means may be different, but considering that there is an equilibrium, is it not true that if allowed to go on for a large number of times, our actions will all tend toward a certain mean, if the law of large numbers holds true?
Maybe that's why we oftentimes hear people bitch about how "that fucker does fuck all but gets all the credit, and i'm doing etc....." So that just means that he's riding the wave of the equi-mean theory. He just manged to figure out how the world works.
So this brings me to my point. If whatever we do is going to end up tending towards the mean of whatever expended energy is in this jar we live in, the isn't it rather pointless to try and always make good on our promises, to do things to please, to live life "to the fullest"? Just let the ones who want to start the ball rolling go ahead. Because in the end, come judgment day, we're all going to be on an equal plane.
So is it really worth all the effort?
Crushed
I did my cardio training at East Coast Park this evening.
Just having picked up blading recently, it's always nice to see improvement. It's been a while since I last fell, I've conquered the terrain around my house, which is a big achievement in my terms, althoughI've attributed that achievement to the fact that it was at night and I couldn't see the pavement well enough, and that's why I wasn't freaking out going over all the cracks and bumps and jumping the 1 WHOLE STAIR at the bus stop.
Sam took out my brakes for me as well, making me look a little more pro. He said that it would give me more freedom of motion. I guess it does when I'm doing my "off-road" terrain training. *beams* The brakes won't get caught in the uneven ground. That might have helped as well I reckon.
Anyhow, I was coming nicely along, blading my way back to the car when I heard a torrent of whooshes and swishes. A group of 5 blading bastards sped past me with seemingly effortless grace, gliding over the twigs and humps. I was determined to maintain visual contact, so I sped up.
I dropped my gear, sped up and shifted into top gear. 2 other blading bastards zoomed past me. A case of suzuki swift v.s. the STI. Damn.
Next time, before I go to the track, I shall practice at Bishan Park.. where nice families gather, and where I can shove the blading kids out of my way. HA! Take that!!!
Braun
Riding on the public transport system has always brought with it amusing, frustrating but above all fond memories. Observing, judging, sniggering, admiring.. wondering about the person standing in front of you, where he or she is going, what they're thinking, when they're gonna die.. whether they OUGHT to die, how they're gonna die. Morbid, but fun.
This morning, a dragnet of three pairs of brown shoes pulled my attention away from a lady's blistered heels.
The first was skinned with suede, had a slight stump for a heel, and covered the i-would-presume smelly feet of a 40-something woman. Gaunt and frail, she shifted around, attempting to synchronise her centre of gravity with the sporadic oscillations of the car.
Little grunts of hot breath shot out from her nostrils, sifting the air for danger like a molerat. Looking at her reminded me of a picture I once saw. What magazine was it again? Ah yes. National Geographic. A hazy recollection perhaps, but she did resemble the likeness of a dying meerkat. Meerkats are cute.
I like meerkats, especially when they're young. Meerkats should only remain young. They should all die young, spare the world the misery of having to endure them in their old age. Very much like old scrunched up female librarians, except that old scrunched up female librarians should very much be allowed the liberty never to have been born. They ought to die as foetuses, lonely, severed, and helpless.
Brown suedes was probably a librarian, starting out young at the former National Library, working her way though the ranks, and now ending up at the helm of some department that little minority natives couldn't pronounce. Relishing in the power of authority, she would make her minions listen to her stories of the old building, and how if she had had a chance, she would go back to the old site just to exhume the little carcasses of all the little runts that she'd murdered throughout the years, stuffing their bodies in between archives of timbuktutian travel and cook books.
Alas, a hint of a copy of the previous night's copy of Lianhe Wanbao, flyers from Burger King, and a copy of Lau Fu Zi, volume 11,435. My fantasy was shattered. She's no longer a librarian. Boring.
I fixed my attention on Brown Birkies. The first thought that came to mind: bastard. I want that pair of Birkies. I pictured myself grabbing him from behind, ripping out his half-done dreadlocks (ok fine, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. He got caught in the dryer.) and stealing the shoes off him. I've never stolen shoes off anyone. I think it would make an amusing hobby, stealing shoes off the feet of passers-by. Most people, I assume, would hardly know how to react.
Of course, finding the right fit would be somewhat of a problem, especially for a person with annoyingly wide feet. How wide? I could probably steamroll 5 egg McMuffins (TM) sideways, and conjure up Feetcakes (MY friggin TM) for some poor lonely kid bouncing up and down outside Maccer's wailing for his mum to get him a friggin ice-cream cone. It's an ice-cream cone. Get the kid the ice-cream cone. If he doesn't shut up after that, throw him in with the fries. He might take a while longer.
I digress.
Before I could think of how Brown Birkies was going to die, he got off the train, and rhythmically slipped himself in between a couple of school girls. They looked at him with the utmost annoyance you could almost hear them say "TSK TSK TSK TSK TSK TSK!!!!!" A woman did that to me once along the bridge. The rest is history.
I peered at Old Browns. Tattered along the seams, worn at the heels and holy beyond belief on the instep. Damn.. this guy was old. I could just imagine swirls of stinkiness hovering around his feet in concentric circles, creating a vortex of stench that would force my farts into retirement.
Old Brows could hardly stand properly. I could easily picture him in a boat at that very moment, attempting to gain his balance, missing the wake, falling overboard, lungs filling with water, sinking lower, lower, lower into the abyss. His shoes had stuck with him through it all. The riot of '64, the bombing of Mcdonald House, the reign of Singapore in the Malaysia Cup. They shunned the Tiger Cup, of course. That was just a disgrace. They were almost as old as Lau Lee's pubes.
I wondered if he ever bothered to take them off. It's like that sometimes isn't it. You get so attached to an item that you never want to part with it. I guess that's how a lot of junk is collected. Old bookmarks, pencils, clocks, random pieces of cloth that are given the excuse of being rags, the broken-down telly. I wonder if that's how old friendships are as well. Maybe people just don't want to be friends anymore, but they're just storing the friendship in the closet for future reference. It's interesting how we can literally throw tangible items like a bottle of expired fish sauce or spoilt milk away, but how we never really bother to just throw away a friendship, even though it may have just slipped into oblivion for a while. Expired. Old Browns definitely loved its owner.
I thought a smile to myself, and took a step toward the exit. As I lifted my head, Old Browns was staring at me. His expression was unmistakable.
"What the hell is wrong with these young people nowadays."
It wasn't even a question.
Fun Exchange of The Day
me: Hi Goh, I'm trying to get into the website but it's been down since this morning. Is there anyone whom I can contact to rectify the problem?
Goh: Oh no! I check.
hahaha I found it hilarious.
I need to.. but I want to..
Eat healthy .......... pig out on duck rice with extra egg and tau kuah Study ........ Sleep and go over to give my gf a big hug Be serious with my internship ......... Enjoy the fucking hols till school stars in a couple of weeks Save money and think of the future and be alll mature-like and think about how my future family's gonna survive ............ Save money and think of the future and be all bunghole like and think about how my future family's gonna sleep with me in an Aston Martin.. or Maserati... ok fine a 600 bhp R34. Love and care for the animals at home ............. Kick the shit out of the dog sometimes for being the motherfucking asshole dumbass dipshit that he is. Ultimately, there're so many desires, but then again there're so many responsibilities. What governs the mentality of these responsibilities? What is it in people that decides for us whether we choose to be deadbeats when it comes to responsibilities, or we find the motivation to live out our responsibilities well.
It's alwaysdisappinting to know that there are people out there who just fail in their responsibilities and duties. However, can we really blame them? Put in their shoes, or to extend the argument, in all other scenarios that require sistine drops of responsibility, will we still be all self-righteous and mr-and mrs-know-it-alls? Will we still dare to judge the actions and apaprent alleged wrongdoings of others?
I hope that ultimately I will be able to, for one because I'm a self-righteous and elitist pig, and I judge and I'm harsh with the losers that fill the endless void around me, that I will eventually force myself to not be like them. It's not about whether I feel that I want to do things that way or not. Ultimately, it's because I REFUSE to be a fucking loser, 'cos I'd hate to see myself atrophy to that level of banality, and that's why I'd do things that need to be done.
Additives: One Hamster, Very Fat, and Just A Speck of Fur
Everyone! This is Victor Pablo!! Found him outside a 7-Eleven, now curled up like a long piece of shit that's got no space to squeeze into the toilet bowl, and hence has to twirl its way around.
This little fella's right now the gf's new love.. I believe they share the same sleeping times.
Fartday I'm In Love
I never really understood the song Friday I'm In Love, till today.
It's been a shitty boring week, and I can't wait for today to bloody end so that I can get my ass out of this office and into the normal world.
I really can't imagine having to work in a place like this in future. I'm definitely going to explore other places and environments for my next internship. Fine, we can't always get what we want, but working in an IT firm with boring China and Indian people and having everyone stick to themselves quietly and just stare at their screens the whole day, well, not really my cup of tea. I definitely need something that's a little more dynamic than this. Something a little more fun... like bartending. Hell yeah.. So cool that it's Friday. I'm in love with Fridays... sigh....
In any case, I've been having the worst case of the farts since I started on my diet. Apparently it's very common. Sometimes it's really quite funny.. like how I just fart more randomly than I already do.. but sometimes it's just quite disgusting. These times will definitely include showering when I can't escape the fart cos it's probably exacerbated by the hot water vapours and it just envelopes me cos I'm closed in on 4 sides. Granted, since the hot vapours mix in with methane and expand it, the mixture should theoretically rise.... but I think the problem might lie with the fact that either the water isn't hot enough, or my fart isn't hot enough. They need more energy for the molecules to escape. Another scenario will be when I'm just about to fall asleep, and I'm in that pre-REM state whereby I have the strange flickers of a dream. I hear a rumbling and the dream plays out into a small earthquake. I see the terrified faces of people... needing to get away, yearning and screaming to be free. Then the volcano erupts. And I wake up. Dang! What the hell??!?!
On another note.. I fucking hate tuna. Tuna is the worst-fucking-tasting fish on this planet. Sure, it's a shitload of protein and it has healthy Omega-3 fatty acids and it's big and it comes in nice dandy cans for convenience in times of earthquakes, but it really really really tastes like fucking wood shavings. Fucking Victor Pablo, our new hamster, will sleep peacefully on tuna. I never realised how I could hate a type of food so much.
This day better turn out well. I need to move away from the terminal now.. I just let one rip.. hope no one realises... la la la
