EEEEKS
School's starting to kick in! Yuck! Stop! I don't like it at all. Taking away my napping and sleeping times.
At least I'm done with all my suff for last week. But not to worry, it's not the end yet. Still got lots of shit due this week. Hahahahahaha.
How fun.. back to work..
It's been a pretty frustrating time.
I haven't seen much of you, or spent as much nice alone quality time with you as we normally do.
I realised that because of that, I've been missing you a whole lot.
I'm lonely without you. Maybe I'm just being needy, but maybe not. Sure, I know you still love me, but not spending that amount of quality time with you creates a void.
It's weird.
I'm not asking for more, but it's just made me realise...
Maybe it's simple, uncomplicated.
Maybe I just love you all that much.
Responsibilities, Repercussions, Renumeration
I'm sitting here, staring at the work that I have to complete over the next couple of weeks. I'm not sleepy. I realised I'm just tired.
I'm 24, ready and eager to make use of what I've garnered through "experential learning" to ply through the rest of my life. However, I'm stuck in this situation for at least another 2.5 years.
I might be too impatient. But why? I've never asked myself why I feel the need to do so much. Why must I always do more than is needed? To put more pressure on myself than is required.
But what is the bare minimum, and is that really the bare minimum. I realised that I don't know the benchmark for the bare minimum, and hence I aim to surpass it as much as I can.
At present my responsibilities are: my babe, school, work, the pets, family, friends, future, baby's spoilt computer, losing weight cos people are starting to complain, keep my sanity so that other people around me can keep theirs. It works all ways. =)
So what happens if I don't fulfil these roles and responsibilities? Sure, I break the status quo, I make things a little more difficult for those people who are depending on me, no matter how little, no matter whether they intend to or realise it or not. It's not that I'm trying to be egocentric. That's just the way things work. If someone decides that he or she wishes not to be a cog in the system anymore, a part will have to forfeit its function.
As such, if a person that I'm dependent on changes his or her function, something in me changes as well. I'm THAT dependent on the people around me. Sure, I'd love to be an island, to survive independently, but I'm unable to. Is that why I'm willing to forego my whimsical fancies and interests, and in place pursue the responsibilities and building-blocks of our society? Sure seems like it.
I just hope that at the end of this round of struggling, I'm able to reap some form of reward. And to be able to share that reward with the special ones that matter to me. Sure, there'll be another round soon after, but that's the way things are. All I can do is to do the little things that make me happy. Read, bitch, gripe, and plan for a better tomorrow.
"I could skydive from the moon..."
Lost
Today was the last episode of Lost - Season 2. That's what my baby said anyways.
I caught a glimpse of it while reasearching on IT in the healthcare industry. I didn't know what all the hype was about after about 10 minutes. Maybe I just haven't followed through with the rest of the shows. Maybe it was just the boredom of having to google for things that don't really interest me. Maybe I was just lost on the topic, and I didn't know where or what to look for.
This semester started well. It was supposed to be an enjoyable semester. Now I know that school's never that enjoyable. I realised today while walking around my usual hangouts in school that I'm alone. Sure, I have a couple of friends in school, but I hardly ever see them in school anymore.
Gym ... I know lots of people there, but I can't remember their names. I've stopped bothering to unless it serves a purpose. "Hi Irvin!" ... "Oh hey, how's it going?" That's about all I can remember of their names.
Kopitiam .... I take up a table for 4.. and I'm alone.
The study rooms.. I purposely book a room for 10.. and I'm alone...
I go to class alone... I go for breaks alone.. I shit alone... well yeah obviously.
In school.. I'm doing my own thing.. I'm lost as to what everyone else is doing with their college life. However I'm happy.
Cos at the end of the day, at the end of a busy week or day, I walk away from school, knowing that it's gonna be more productive outside of school. I do my work... and I enjoy it.
And ultimately, be it a sad, banal, ecstatic, exciting, happiness-happening, pensive, or a day lost in translation, I know that my special someone will always be there for me to talk to, to bitch to, to cry to, to have and to hold. And I'm happy.
=) See.. I'm happy
