Happy 21st Baby!
Monday was spent celebrating my baby's 21st. I think it went pretty well... what do you think babe? =)
We made some finger sandwiches and potato salad and had a little evening picnic at Sentosa. Good thing it was a Monday evening as well.. nice and quiet.
I won't really go into detail as to what I got her, but I hope she liked it. Unfortunately, we were under a tight time constraint... and had no choice but to leave Singapore's "island resort" (pooi) early. All in all, still a very very very enjoyable evening!
Oh yes, doesn't she look so cute?????? =)
And the sandwiches tasted heavenly after some dip!
Well I guess I was the only one who liked it.
Once again happy 21st darling!!
The Classic Family
As if it's not enough that the household only yields more communication than the morgue, it's even worse when the communication itself is dysfunctional.
The following is an excerpt of what transpired between three members in the household of yours truly.
Elder Son: "Eh, give you, just in case." [Passes a small box to younger son]
[Younger Son examines the box, and for the first time in his life sees the label Nipple Shields]
Younger Son: "What the hell is this?! Wassup man!"
[By the way, for those of you who're unsure of what nipple shields actually do, you should ask the mother for advice]
[Younger Son examines the box further, gets more baffled and worried about the state of family affairs, shows the product in question to someone else, who HOPEFULLY is disturbed as well, and looks to the mother in the unfounded hope that she would at least say something decently intelligent.]
The Mother: "What if you get raped?"
[At this point, all proper relatively logical-to-a-very-small-extent type of communication has ceased, and the system has obviously gone offline. Younger Son tries desperately to salvage the situation by attempting to find some logic in that last statement, since obviously the Mother feels that if one wears nipple shields, the rapist will be deterred from performing his seemingly unflappable task of penetration. After all, they ARE shields what. Eventually, Younger Son gives up in defeat.]
Ignorance has finally brought things to a point whereby I feel I really do need a space of my own. This space between insanity and my sanctity, which is in fact the bedroom that has been bestowed upon me by the Father, is melting away like jellyfish in the sand. Need to seek out a new sanctuary. Please let the next lottery winner be me.
Sleepily Slidin Away
I'm soooooooo bloody tired it's not even funny anymore. I finally finished what I was supposed to do, and at least that means that I'll have tonight free to just hang around and do whatever I please. Woooohooooo!!!!! It was really a worthwhile project though.. I like the feeling of having that type of motivation, it really makes me quite happy.
Oh no.. wait.. I still have an article to write. Oh well. Work is neverending anyway.
So I feel that my project didn't turn out too badly, apart from a few minor glitches here and there that's always expected from something DIY I guess. Elmo told me to post pics of it up on my blog, but that would well truly be suicide. So too bad!
I never realised that emotions from past relationships could carry on so strongly into current ones, nor did I expect myself to be so affected by what's happened before, or at least I thought that a new relationship would be a new start. Evidently not. Please please please.. I hope that I'll be able to deal with the issues, and not make the same mistakes again.
Note to self: constantly remind yourself to stay in rational state. Allow irrational state for 20 seconds, then switch back to using your brain again, please.
It's gonna be another long day, but at least I'll have some time to hit the gym, or at least I hope I won't be too tired. Timing's really screwed up, can't really do much if I schedule full-days. I'm so tired that I can't even remember dreaming the past two nights, which is normal for me when I'm tired anyhow.
I can't wait till tomorrow! Reason is obvious.... and I have to go now or I'll be late again. Damn.
Helplessness
This is one of the first few times that I've been in a situation whereby I really feel utterly helpless, and where I don't even have any sort of contingency plan.. Sure I can't do much about it, but it's that little nagging feeling of always having to be in at least some control of one's own life that's really eating at me.
I really hope everything turns out well, and I'm annoyed and pissed and frustrated that I can't do more.. legally at least.
It's late, I've another long day tomorrow cos I packed my schedule. Well, at least it's been a rather productive day.
Since Derrick wants an update... well here's an update.. we haven't been meeting up that much cos we're all busy with our spouses.. haha.. and with work I guess, I love my girlfriend, I extended my MC till November, and Bagel hasn't had a bath in a couple of weeks.
Recurring Ramifications
On Tuesday, I dragged myself down to the Yellow Ribbon Project Appreciation Dinner. It was held to mainly thank all the volunteering organisations. To my surprise, I was probably one of the very few individuals who actually bothered volunteering. Most of the supporters were either from government organisations, or big companies who feel the need to show how compassionate they can be.
Granted, these companies may actually care about ex-offenders. Or not. Out of 34% of private sector companies who were allegedly willing to hire ex-offenders, only 4% actually did take that initiative.
Oh well, shan't dwell on that any longer. I've been seriously depressed enough this evening. Maybe cos I'm suddenly all alone now, and I'm thinking... "I won't be able to do the things normal people do"... "I'll be lagging behind".... "I'll have a tougher time breaking through"... and the usual shit like that which goes through my head when I'm feeling shitty.
However, had a good talk with Butch... and I do realise that I better stop getting affected by all the miscellaneous problems, and start focusing on the important tasks at hand. There's no point worrying about how far ahead my peers are gonna be, how much money and experience they're gonna have by the time I'm given the opportunity to prove my retarded self, or how I'm ever gonna break into the working world when I'm so bloody old. I've been instilled with panic, that I have and ought to do something with my life even if I'm studying, but I'm so lost I have no idea what to do.
If I'm motivated enough, is everything really possible, even when it comes to juggling the limited time that I'm allowed to prove myself?
All this thinking tonight has basically brought me to one realisation. These problems will never go away till I really have the opportunity to pick myself up. However, do I relentlessly seek the opportunity, or do I slowly explore the depths of life till I get my break?
I've also realised that there are certain people in my life who have made me very very happy, and whom I know are there, and always will be there, for me. Butcher's never around anymore, so he's been relegated. hehehe. But yeah, special mention to that someone who's taught me how it feels to love again. =)
Fishing Around
It's been a really enjoyable weekend. I got to spend a lot of time with ahem, so I'm happy! Oh yeah Saturday we made sushi... actually it was more like I bought the ingredients and she did the hard labour. What to do, it's a sexist world. But I'm really proud to say that the sushi turned out pretty well! Only downside is that there were complaints about the rice being too dry. I admit, I cooked the rice. I'm seriously from Moronia, can cook this cook that make this make that, in the end cannot cook rice properly. Wassup man. Need to screw my head on properly when cooking rice next time round. Mental note made.
Something else happened today that really got me thinking about myself. No it's nothing to do with ahem. I was driving home, and along the road I saw a Traffic Police motorbike lying on its side. There was no ambulance there, no body, so I presumed that they had probably taken the dude/dudette away. Instead of slowing down to busy myself with the amazing sight of an accident, as any true blue Singaporean would do, I revved the car and sped away. Next, I whipped out my mobile, and sent a text to my friend. It read "Woohoo! TP bike buang along xxx rd. haha."
An hour ago, I found out that the policeman involved in the accident passed away. Still not too sure about what exactly happened, but the first thing that came to my mind was the mandatory "Oh shit! I couldn't have said such a thing at a better time." However, as I was driving home, I thought about what had happened, and I realised something very disturbing. I don't feel the least bit remorseful for being elated, nor do I feel the least bit sad for the policeman and his family. Instead, I felt a tinge of indignance mixed with slight satisfaction. This has happened to me before, I'm sure, but this is the first time that I'm so disturbed by it.
I've realised that I cannot find it in my nature to actually think of law enforcers as normal every day people who have lives of their own and who should be thanked for keeping our streets safe and what not. I've been so conditioned to fear as well as despise them so much since an early age that I can't even find the compassion that should be inherent when faced with a situation like this, and this is something really disturbing. I shall strive to find in myself this compassion. It is really rather worrying.
This brings me to my next point. If there's one of me out here in Seletar who thinks this way, surely there are many others who feel the same way, especially the beneficiaries of the Yellow Ribbon Project. I'm sure some of them experience the same emotions as I do. Or maybe they don't, and I'm just trying to make myself feel better by attempting to solicit accomplices.
Alright, let's just suppose that there're such people out there. If so, wouldn't all these law enforcers basically be extremely unappreciated? They will be like outcasts. They're supposed to be revered by the common man, but somehow their status of authority has given way to fear and in some cases loathing. Do you think they really like living like that? Maybe some of them do. Maybe some of them actually enjoy the false sense of power given to them, not knowing that actually the real power doesn't lie in their hands, but some greater power, something they might not even realise or understand.
It's sad really, how for some of us our whole lives we're just fishing around for some things to attach to us and with which we can form our characters, and every now and then something gets thrown in our faces, catapulting us off-track.
Hopefully, in time I'll be able to find the strength to really forgive, and to view people equally.
Woohoo!
Fine so I haven't been blogging for a while now. Can't help it, I've been having too amazing a week to be bothered to sit down and whine and bitch and gripe. Basically I don't have anything to whine and bitch and gripe about the past week. =)
Last Saturday was spent at the night safari. I was actually very surprised that I enjoyed the trip, although we should have gone a bit earlier. Maybe it was the company. As it turned out, we didn't have enough time to really walk around and stare at the animals. Also, considering the tickets are rather pricey, I don't think I'd be going back anytime too soon.
We managed to catch a glimpse of the buffalos (ME!), giraffes (Boring), Elephants (Scarce), and some other things that resembled deer. Oh yes and the friggin hippo was damn bloody big. Dunno if it's a hippo or not, whatever it is it's damn bloody big. The ant-eater dude was pretty damn disgusting as well. Looked like it had a dick for a nose. Oh well, lucky not all humans look like that.
Oh and I chanced upon a dog in boots. Decided to bring him home to replace Le Pooch.
Bummed around over the weekend, and finally celebrated my one year anniversary last night. Went to get myself tattooed, but it was quite a disappointment. I was bleeding like a friggin abbatoire, presumably cos I had gone for a run in the morning. The last time I bled almost so much was cos I had been wasted the previous night. Healthy bad, unhealthy also bad. Wassup man. But anyhow, hopefully the colour touch-ups will settle and heal well. I really want the yellow on the lotus to be prominenent. There's probably going to be a bit og scarring considering I probably will have to go over the same areas a few times for all the colours to be really filled in. Tragic. With me bleeding like that, it's gonna take months. Shiok. Means more months of feeling the needles in my skin.
An interested party accompanied me to the studio, and amused herself with watching me bleed. Thanks for the support. =) Went to east coast park after that, brought along all the letters that were sent to me during my time in there. Re-read some of it, while others I read for the first time, since a lot of them were rejected by the authorities who were incapable of reason and compassion and intelligence for that matter. It was a harsh night, but eventually ended very well.
It's nice being out, and just an hour ago SMU offered me a place, pending my character references. Shites.. that'll be a tough one. I'm hoping things look up from here on.
Till next time... goodbye world.
Fun Fun Night!
Last nite's little cookout was very enjoyable. Good company, good dog, and decent food. Most of the dishes were prepared rather by instinct apart from the tomato-based pasta sauce. We had roast chicken (marinated with paprika, black pepper, salt, sage, a squeeze of lemon, and extra-virgin olive oil, just like me, extra virgin), carbonara (mixed the egg yolks and parmesan together with the cream), tomato-based spaghetti with mushrooms and topped with thick gooey slices of mozarella (prepared my own sauce yay!!), baked potatos (sprinkled with salt, black pepper, oregano and a little parsley, with butter dribbled over before serving), lulu salad (tossed with balsamic vinegar), portobellos (olive oil, black pepper, fresh basil).
A whole lot of food. Very nice, very full, although the potatos were not as crispy as i was hoping for them to be. They were just hard. Oh well try again next time.
Hopefully tonight will be another kitchen success. Oh I was looking through my photos and I found something.
I've always been complaining about how Singapore's so boring and there's nothing to see and what not. Well.. I guess I found something that at least makes me wanna get up early and look beyond the skyscrapers and ugly flats. FYI, I still wanna get out of here.
Monday was spent celebrating my baby's 21st. I think it went pretty well... what do you think babe? =)
