DejaVu
So tonight was deja vu. Somehow or rather it's getting rather confusing. All at once in a couple of days it has all become a gray area. However, at least I still have something to hold on to. Music. Yes, my mp3 collection. All LEGAL of course.
I walk into my room and I hear Stairway To Heaven playing on my winamp. Tonight's been rather crazy, with all the questions I've had to answer, with all the emotions I've had to deal with, so it's really nice coming home to that somewhat familiar squawk of Led Zeppelin.
I still remember downloading this song, a long time ago, a time when things had seemed to be more settled, more steady, more comforting. Now it's all gone to shit.
So starting next week, I'm gonna really do something with my life. Find out if I wanna work or study from now on. It's really no use trying to speculate about what I'm interested in studying. At this point, everything I wanna do will not make me a decent amount of money, considering the way I spend. And obviously getting tattooed as a profession is not going to work. Of course, it would be fabulous if someone would pay me to get tattooed, but I'm bloody sure that's not going to happen anytime soon. Hence, something else needs to be done, but I don't know what, so fucking stop asking.
However, I have another mission on hand. I'm planning to start a new blog, something not so personal, something more retarded. I'll try to get a few like-minded people who like tattoos, and have the time to just go hang out at random tattoo studios, and we'll see what happens from there. The blog will be hopefully titled "The Tupid Tattoo Groupies". Of course, that would be great fun and all, but yeah yeah yeah, fun always has to stop somewhere. Fuck. Why couldn't I have had a normal life, a normal brain, a normal character, and gotten a scholarship in JC, studied happily through college, served out my bond, gotten a job in a huge banking firm, and earned meself a nice shitload of money, and be content with the amount of money I have. Why the fuck did I have to be so interested in all the fucking sub-cultures of our society?!
Honestly, FUCKING MTV. It's a fucking conspiracy.
Freebird by Lybard Skynard's playing now. Fucking redneck, fucking awesome. Somehow.
So anyways, tonight, the million dollar question I received was "Are you happier?"
Now how the fuck do I answer something like that. Really. It's amazing I managed to get anything out of my mouth in the first place. Of course, whatever came out of my mouth wasn't really much help anyway. I said, "Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not." Of course, not really helpful if you don't really know me, but if you do, then I'm sure you'd understand.
Oh yes, and I've just realised that I spent a whole fucking lot of money tonight. So for the next week, unless you can treat me to a curry pock or two, please don't ask me out. I'm so fucking broke it's not even funny anymore. If I can't get a job next week, I'm prepared to go sell me ass to those analyzers in the gym. Yes, I'm
THAT desperate. However, I would love to spend time with all my amazing friends out there, so
PLEASE do find it deep in your soul to treat me to a curry pock or two. Thank you so very much.
Another amazing thing happened today. Mats are not the only ones who're forming bands. Although they've had so much more time to practice at void decks and monsoon drains and what not, they've not managed to monopolise the market. There're cheeky-chongs infiltrating the battle of the bands. Atrocious to some, amazing to others. Of course I do have to admit that they continue to monopolise the nasi lemak market. Some things just have to be left to them. Really. Atrocious for me, amazing to them.
Till next time, goodbye world.
Choices
At any point in time it seems like I have so many choices to make, but then again at the same time it seems that I really don't have many choices, but I still have to make choices based on what I don't really have. Making any sense?
Choosing a school and a major are just one of the normal headaches every student has to go through, but add to that the financial strain of getting an education, especially one in the States, then it becomes a whole new ball game.
Of course, I'm even prepared to study locally, but really, only as a last resort. I really don't want to spend the rest of my life, or at least this period of my life, cooped up in this hole. Reasons run aplenty, and since it's early in the morning right now and I'm in a bad mood from googling and surfing schools, I shall not wish to delve any deeper into that.
It's so hard seeking financial aid for education. Then again, why must they make these institutions so fucking expensive? Such a great niche to fill, this education business. Maybe at the end of it all I'll just give the finger to that idea of getting a degree, and just simply start my own institution. The money will just roll in, wouldn't it, and I could just go ahead and get myself tattooed as and when I like, and not need to spend my whole bloody night looking for seemingly phantom organisations that I have heard give out financial aid. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I've been spending so much time trying to seek out the Lee Foundation, but to no avail. It doesn't even seem to exist! Hence, if anyone out there has any information whatsoever, please please pleeeease fill me in. Thank you soooo much.
Till next time, goodbye world.
How Beautiful
Just about half an hour ago it started raining heavily. Normally I would close the curtains and prepare for a nice nap when this happens, but somehow this time I decided to leave the curtains open.
I'm glad I did. I can't remember the last time I saw sunny rain. It's the best of everything all thrown into one.
What A Wonderful World
I've finally gotten out of the little drinking spurt of the past few weeks. That's been the case for the past few days anyway. Wondering how long that will last? Hmm... I think my liver's just preparing itself for the next barrage of poison. Poor bugger.
Anyhow I should probably enjoy this healthy lifestyle while it lasts, since everything that I do has a cycle. I started gymming again 3 days ago. Hopefully in 3 months I'd have lost all the fat that I've put on since October. It's getting quite disturbing when I can't fit into my clothes anymore.
Watched Wedding Crashers with Lizzie this evening... well all in all it was an enjoyable feel-good romantic comedy, although as Linda aptly puts it Owen Wilson is ugly to the point of being cute. Not much eye candy there!
HOWEVER, I would still like to state for the record that I have to have to have to watch Mysterious Skin before it ends its run. I have no idea why no one is interested in watching it apart from me, and it disturbs me that such a good film should go to waste.
I took the above photo on the very memorable occasion of Da Overnight Partaking of Alcohol, where Kelvin and I drank from 2 AM to 1 PM. It was amazing. It's a bangla gardener pruning the bushes, and I thought nothing suited the subject better than black and white.
Over the past three days I've realised that I have to start doing something with my life, and I guess I've taken the first step. I've basically established with the parents that I do want to continue studying, and that I will take a loan if I have to, though the father is trying his best to discourage me. I've started gymming again, and I've booked another tattoo appointment! Exercising really helps to alleviate whatever stress and unhappiness that's trapped inside. Especially for me, since all I've been doing is drinking, it is definitely a welcome change, and it actually makes me feel like doing something in my life. I guess although the aesthetic results may not show, at least it'll still make me feel good on the inside. Bah, who am I trying to kid. I want the bod.
And just for the record, this new blogger interface is ideal.
Till next time, goodbye world!!!!
My Brain Has Spoken!!!
After last week's alcohol binge that started from.. hmm I can't really remember when actually, but no matter. After that little episode, the good music at Liquid and the even greater music at Zouk, not to mention the fun we had at the bbq on Monday with the evil vodka jelly, I decided to take a break today and just clear my thoughts. And my brain has awoken!
It told me to go to the gym tomorrow, so yes I am hitting the gym tomorrow. I can't do any strength training since my hand still hurts, hopefully it's not bloody fractured, so all I can do is low impact cardio. Well, a perfect start compared to what I've been doing the past 2 months. It's actually not a really long time, but it seems like I've been through a mountain of alcoholic stupor.
Also, I'm gonna concentrate on myself. I'll try to be in my own world for a while, try to appreciate what I've got going on around me. Hey, maybe I'll meet someone at the gym who'll take care of me and buy me a nice car. Interesting.
Till next time, goodbye world.
Did You Leave Anything Behind?
I realise that life in Singapore is so hectic and fast-paced that the only time I ever get to stop and think about random things when I'm out of the house is when I'm in a cab.
While in a cab, alone preferably, I'd reflect on my past actions and life, be it five minutes ago, or five days ago. I'd randomly think about things I'd done, words I'd spoken, people I'd laughed at, and chickens that I'd ingested. It's the only time whereby I'd sit still and actually contemplate all the things that Singaporeans in general complain about. Of course, since I'm also in a cab, one of the major sources of food for thought would be the friendly cab driver.
Just last night I was in a cab home with my Dad, and the cab driver started complaining about the government being hypocritical and two-faced. A political discussion, or rather a verbal attack on the political situation, is the pond from which the cabbie and the customer quench their thirst after a long hard day at work. This time, since I had no obligation to respond, I had the luxury of just sitting there listening to the issues flying back and forth. In all my years of riding in cabs, the issues haven't changed that much. It made me wonder what exactly was happening to our nation, especially National Day coming up in a weeks' time.
We've been complaining about car prices, housing, jobs, foreign "talent", smokers, foreign talent fucking our women, foreign skilled talent raping our women, ministers getting paid outrageous amounts to come up with outrageous schemes that get them paid even more outrageous amounts, retrenchment, HR, expensive alcohol, etc. for years now, and it hasn't changed much. My point is not to actually point out who's right and who's wrong, for we can never speculate too much in a social-democracy such as ours, although speculation leads to conspiracy theories that might sometimes ring true. However, be forewarned that no one should speculate. We should not think out loud even, for there will be dire consequences. I was really wondering, if the general populace actually felt this way, why isn't anything happening?
After having had a night to sleep on it, I realised that although changes occur only when there's a shift in the equilibrium, and in a political context there must be widespread unhappiness for that shift to take place, Singaporeans in general are still too comfortable with their lives to actually do anything about their unhappiness. Granted, in every economic state there will be some who sacrifice for the greater good. There will be unhappiness, BUT the important thing for a goverment to do is to keep the unhappiness at a level where it can still be controlled, and our government is doing a really good job in that sense. They're making the best use of whatever resources they have, human mostly, keeping the rich happy and the country running relatively smoothly, and also placating those who lose out by giving them the occasional perks of citizenship, for example upgrading. Of course, there are those who are easily placated by the news of yet another opposition leader being sued to his/her underpants and his/her family also having to bear the brunt of his/her "mistake". Fear, of course, instilled in the right dosage is a very powerful asset.
Hence, I'm really waiting for the day when the bubble bursts, and our people get so fed up with talk of new foreign policies, housing loans, car prices, hypocritical censures against retrenchment of older workers, once again foreign talents fucking our women and foreign skilled talents raping them, that they just erupt in a frenzy, and another equilibrium is embraced. Then again, as all the dust settles after the storm, I think of getting into a cab again, and I'm quite convinced that I'll find the dialogues rather similar. I somehow feel that although the complaints may change regarding the issues, they will inherently be similar, and at the end of every ride I'll still be hearing the same monotonous, chirpy query of "Did you leave anything behind?"
Till next time, goodbye world.
