RETURN OF FARTMAN!

Responsibilities, Repercussions, Renumeration

I'm sitting here, staring at the work that I have to complete over the next couple of weeks. I'm not sleepy. I realised I'm just tired.

I'm 24, ready and eager to make use of what I've garnered through "experential learning" to ply through the rest of my life. However, I'm stuck in this situation for at least another 2.5 years.

I might be too impatient. But why? I've never asked myself why I feel the need to do so much. Why must I always do more than is needed? To put more pressure on myself than is required.
But what is the bare minimum, and is that really the bare minimum. I realised that I don't know the benchmark for the bare minimum, and hence I aim to surpass it as much as I can.

At present my responsibilities are: my babe, school, work, the pets, family, friends, future, baby's spoilt computer, losing weight cos people are starting to complain, keep my sanity so that other people around me can keep theirs. It works all ways. =)

So what happens if I don't fulfil these roles and responsibilities? Sure, I break the status quo, I make things a little more difficult for those people who are depending on me, no matter how little, no matter whether they intend to or realise it or not. It's not that I'm trying to be egocentric. That's just the way things work. If someone decides that he or she wishes not to be a cog in the system anymore, a part will have to forfeit its function.

As such, if a person that I'm dependent on changes his or her function, something in me changes as well. I'm THAT dependent on the people around me. Sure, I'd love to be an island, to survive independently, but I'm unable to. Is that why I'm willing to forego my whimsical fancies and interests, and in place pursue the responsibilities and building-blocks of our society? Sure seems like it.

I just hope that at the end of this round of struggling, I'm able to reap some form of reward. And to be able to share that reward with the special ones that matter to me. Sure, there'll be another round soon after, but that's the way things are. All I can do is to do the little things that make me happy. Read, bitch, gripe, and plan for a better tomorrow.

"I could skydive from the moon..."

posted by Da Buffalo! @ 3:22 AM