Recurring Ramifications
On Tuesday, I dragged myself down to the Yellow Ribbon Project Appreciation Dinner. It was held to mainly thank all the volunteering organisations. To my surprise, I was probably one of the very few individuals who actually bothered volunteering. Most of the supporters were either from government organisations, or big companies who feel the need to show how compassionate they can be.Granted, these companies may actually care about ex-offenders. Or not. Out of 34% of private sector companies who were allegedly willing to hire ex-offenders, only 4% actually did take that initiative.
Oh well, shan't dwell on that any longer. I've been seriously depressed enough this evening. Maybe cos I'm suddenly all alone now, and I'm thinking... "I won't be able to do the things normal people do"... "I'll be lagging behind".... "I'll have a tougher time breaking through"... and the usual shit like that which goes through my head when I'm feeling shitty.
However, had a good talk with Butch... and I do realise that I better stop getting affected by all the miscellaneous problems, and start focusing on the important tasks at hand. There's no point worrying about how far ahead my peers are gonna be, how much money and experience they're gonna have by the time I'm given the opportunity to prove my retarded self, or how I'm ever gonna break into the working world when I'm so bloody old. I've been instilled with panic, that I have and ought to do something with my life even if I'm studying, but I'm so lost I have no idea what to do.
If I'm motivated enough, is everything really possible, even when it comes to juggling the limited time that I'm allowed to prove myself?
All this thinking tonight has basically brought me to one realisation. These problems will never go away till I really have the opportunity to pick myself up. However, do I relentlessly seek the opportunity, or do I slowly explore the depths of life till I get my break?
I've also realised that there are certain people in my life who have made me very very happy, and whom I know are there, and always will be there, for me. Butcher's never around anymore, so he's been relegated. hehehe. But yeah, special mention to that someone who's taught me how it feels to love again. =)
posted by Da Buffalo! @ 2:34 AM
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