RETURN OF FARTMAN!

My Dad's a 100 Plus Addict! and other stories

Just a couple of hours ago I received a text message from my dad asking me to get 2 bottles of tangy orange 100 plus. As far as I know it's a new flavour, and I've been seeing it in the refrigerator for the past couple of weeks.

The father is a man of few words, and even fewer actually funny jokes.

The father: "On your way back help me get 2 large bottles of 100 plus orange flavoured"

Me:"Haha are u addicted to it already?"

The father:"Almost"

This cracked both Soph and I up.. especially since my dad has not spoken a single sentence to her, she really doesn't know how funny he can be. Oh but I did tell her though, that if he actually manages to say something funny, no one should tell him, for he will take it as a sign that he's comedian for the day, and continue with his joke. The same joke. Sigh.

Just prior to my dad being a dodo over SMS, Soph and I had dinner at Spizza. It began rather awfully in more ways than it should have.

To give the staff the benefit of the doubt, they took a wrong order and had to rush our actual order. To take away that benefit of doubt, the pizza was a big disappointment. Apart from the generous amount of toppings, the pizza was not warm, the dough was soft and moist, and they forgot the coat of mozarella that I love so dearly. Though I guess compared to Pizza Hut, there's really no contest, unless there's a Hut buffet whereby I get to just scrape off all the toppings.

The not-so-great dinner, however, was overshadowed by two other patrons, who managed to actually combine their powers and drive us out of the restaurant, such that we had to change to an outdoor table. Of course, they became the topics for dinner conversation.

Patron 1:

Insurance agent-type with lah sup bar-type girlfriend. With an animated and booming (in the really annoying sense) disposition, be starts bragging about his (probably illegal) businesses, as well as announcing to the whole restaurant about all their previous escapades.

Image formed in my mind: my blue bloody heavy as hell Sigg bottle filled to the brim and flung at him at full speed.

Patron 2:

Black Afro-American with Indian wife, and two accompanying kids who speak like they're true nehs, no holds barred. Starts to publicly discipline his daughter with stern finger-pointing and statements like "Remember what we talked about last week, about how you're supposed to behave in public?" and "You have no sense of social etiquette whatsoever". He does all this, going overboard with his comments and "discipline" till his daughter just sits there with her head hung low. All this while, the younger son is just sitting there, lost in his own blood annoying world making monkey sounds and causing a bloody ruckus in the restaurant. Comparing the two, you would think he was scolding his son. How bloody ridiculous that he lets the little chimp of a boy continue his howling and barking. Granted, it's not a restaurant such that strict etiquette is demanded or whatever, but at least have the decency to put a muzzle and a leash on the little poborscis monkey if the kid is acting like one.

Image formed in Soph's mind:"What the fuck man? I'm getting really annoyed.. " (I have no idea what image was formed in her mind... but this is my interpretation of that statement). Soph takes knife, Soph steals over to nigger dude, Soph stabs nigger dude in the middle of the head, Soph catches muzzle that I throw over to her after pulling it out of my ass, Soph smacks little monkey and puts muzzle on him, Soph gives heartbroken daughter a hug, Soph shakes head at useless mother and tells her, "Know what I think? I think you're useless!"

Well, after all that, as them two retards were leaving, the owner of the restaurant asks how they enjoyed dinner. Both gave the same replies, that they would tell their friends, and return for another visit. We're in need of a miracle, truly.

posted by Da Buffalo! @ 11:25 PM