RETURN OF FARTMAN!

Stratton Walk's Barkula

Saturday morning began as peaceful as most other weekend mornings. A blanket of silent sleep warmed the house at Stratton Wallk, not evena pindrop to be heard.

Then it was broken. It began as a low rumbling sound, seemingly emanating from the bottom of a world unknown to the sweet sounds of silence. Slowly, the rumbling emerged from its depths, culminating in a bark of fury.

Le Pooch needed to pee very badly.

Scaling down my loft reluctantly, I grumbled and snapped at Le Pooch. He returned my sentiments. It was clear that eventually I had to be the one to give in.

I wrapped my hand around the cold brass doorknob. With a turn, a click of the lock, and finally the presentation of the portal, Le Pooch rushed down the stairs, slipping, sliding, crashing. He scratched at the main door furiously, awaiting for the moment of bladder relief.

Sigh. Why did he have to wake me up so early? I let Le Pooch out of the house. He merrily picked his objects of worship, and let fly. The whole ordeal was over in two minutes. Leaving him in the living room, I made my way upstairs, and climbed back into bed.

When I woke up two hours later, Mum was screaming and nagging at me, asking me what had happened to the poor pooch. After deciphering the high decibel messages screaming out from her throat, I found out that Le Pooch had muddled around the house, chanced upon some rat poison, and had happily ingested it. He is no genius, I assure you, dear reader.

Then Mum did the most amazing thing. She prepared two cups of liquids. In one of them, she mixed up a detoxification substance of anti-oxidants and amino acids. In the other, she poured the blessings of the newly sworn-in Pope Benedict. Yes, dear reader, holy water. Le Pooch was made to drink both concoctions.

An hour later, I had to redeem myself for leaving Le Pooch unattended, and so I brought him for a walk. Actually, I brought him for a shit. Assuming the universal crapping position for all dogs, Le Pooch showed no mercy, and churned out a pile of green shit.

Le Pooch is alive and well, but this experience will go down in my personal history as the first time I've seen a pooch shit green. It is truly a wonderful world.

Till next time, goodbye world.

posted by Da Buffalo! @ 7:31 PM