RETURN OF FARTMAN!

Banality... Awash Wtih Emotion

I was really stressed starting out the day, mainly due to the interview with SMU tomorrow afternoon. I don't remember being this stressed out when it came to matters to do with my life before. Maybe it's come to a point whereby I myself know that I can't really fuck around anymore. I sincerely hope that's the case.

Anyhow, I read the papers, backdated and current, looked up some IT and business news online, and I felt much better after that. Yes, I read the Straits Times. So sue me. There's nothing else to read. Fucking Berita Harian?! I think I feel more prepared for the interview, although this might probably just be psychological, but at least it's helping me to calm my nerves.

Oh yes, I made my way down to town after that and bought myself 2 shirts and a pair of pants. So fun! It's been a while since I've gone shopping, and now I actually have a reason to shop. My parents can't say anything cos they know they wouldn't want me to go down for the interview in a singlet and a pair of shorts. More the singlet than the shorts actually. Oh yes this reminds me. I'd better find my glasses; give myself some credibility when I walk into the room. After shopping I got myself a hair cut and a magazine! What a great day of spending I had.

However, all good things must come to an end. Went with the parents to Brewerkz for dinner and a couple pints of good stout, and it went downhill from there. On the way out I saw the ex. It's the first time in 4 months that I've seen her, and considering how small Singapore is, that's quite a feat. She was with a group of people, and probably one of them's her new squeeze anyhow. Guy or girl I'm not too sure, but that makes things all the more exciting doesn't it. She gave me a really awkward smile, and all I could do was register in my head "Oh yeah, it's her. Hmmm. System offline." I didn't even stop. I just glanced, our eyes met and I walked away expressionless. Granted, I usually look expressionless anyway. Fine. Whatever. But you gotta admit sometimes you can tell what I'm feeling.

I went to the car, insisted that I was a better driver than my dad even when I'm high, and drove home. On the way, I had to keep quiet even though my mum was pissing me off by nagging about all her random thoughts cos I couldn't say anything. I was pretty fucking overwhelmed. And yes of course I was fucking crying. Oh well. Maybe it's just that I haven't seen her in such a long time and usually I'm so happy to see her. I still remember when I first got out of jail and I saw her. Fuck. Maybe it's just those memories and everything coming back. Maybe I still love her. Maybe I'm just a fucking wank. Who knows.

Went over to Lau May's place after dropping the parents off and drove like a fucking maniac. I'm sure some of the other drivers were fucking cursing my lineage. It won't be a surprise. I deserve to be fucked. So fuck me. Whatever.

Somehow right now she's all I'm thinking about, and it's pretty sucky honestly. I didn't think I would be happy to see her or anything, but I just didn't expect myself to be that pathetic. Yeah I'm still pissed with her, but at least I could've given a smile. What the hell's wrong with me? But it could've been much worse hehe. At least I'm still getting on.

But timing's everything isn't it. Timing just loves to fuck with my mind. If Timing ever presents itself physically before me I'll fucking kill it. Then it can't fuck with me anymore. Now, I'm gonna take a bath, relax and psyche myself up for the interview. It's a second chance, and I'm gonna take it.

Oh November Rain just finished playing on my player.

"But lovers always come and lovers always go
And no one's really sure who's lettin' go today.
Walking away."

"Nothing lasts forever, even cold november rain."

Well. Till next time, goodbye world.

posted by Da Buffalo! @ 12:03 AM